Sometimes, you can be so utterly lost in thought, so immersed that the outside world is nothing more than background noise. There is substance to thought, and discovery of one's self unlike anything else. With the quiet stillness that comes with knowing who you are, also comes enlightenment--a realization of things that maybe went misunderstood because you were too busy to think about them.

I spent most of my life this way, too busy to think about important things, and dwelling on the things that didn't matter. Now, at this point in time, I realize I missed so much. That I was robbed and lied to--manipulated. It is not because I was dumb, ignorant or anything like that. It was because I was blinded by a sense of duty and loyalty. Things, which in and of themselves aren't bad things--but in my life, they have been a torment. An incessant thorn digging into my side and I refused to acknowledge it. I thought maybe it would just go away or heal--I didn't really know what I thought.

So I sit here now, lost in my own thought that I can hear the blood pulsing in my veins, my heart beating like it was beating outside my body, not within it. Every breath I take feels like a rush of cold mountain air. I have an immense load on my back, that I now have to decide whether it is worth carrying, or whether it is best I move on with my life and leave the load in the past, leaving a part of my life behind. A part which has been with me all my 29 years. I have the clarity to see what I must do, what I need to do, but the question is: can I put everyone else behind me and act for myself for once?