I really can't believe how much my life has changed in a relatively short amount of time. I am excited about the changes I am going through, but at the same time, I am deeply saddened because I know what it took to get here--all the things that happened in order to get to where I am right now. 2010 has been a very, very terrible year for me! Awful, wouldn't even begin to cover the misery this year has been! Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking all this has been a dream. It isn't though, and I am sad.

I still can't get over the fact my mother-in-law is gone. I miss her so much! But I have so many questions left unanswered, that I didn't even think to ask before. About her, about things that happened. I am confused and I am afraid to ask others questions because I worry it might confirm my fears and then what? I will be stuck with that for the rest of my life. There is no use. Should I bury these feelings and move on?

It is Christmas Eve, and me, my mom, and my kids spent it alone. This was a very sad Christmas. I hope that Christmas is better next year.

So much has changed in the last month! It is amazing as well as scary. I took my kids, picked up my stuff and moved out. I am in a new city, meeting new people--it is great, liberating! Even more exciting things are to come and I can't wait. 2010 has been such a horrible year, well actually, 2008-2010 were the worst! My hopes are that 2011 will be an end to all the misery. I know the new year will bring many great things.

The only kill-joy in my life right now, is that my estranged father has seen fit to find me and annoy the crap out of me. You would think that a man who has a doctorate in clinical psychology would find it easy to understand the words: "leave me alone", but no. I hate when people who have been nothing but a toxin in your life, feel the need to bug you. Not to say sorry, but to examine the reasons why you choose to stay away from them. According to them, they have done nothing wrong to you. You are the problem, not them. They just want to help you, pfft!Give me a break! I do not need or want to engage in relationships with toxic people. I would like to think I have enough respect for myself to refrain from placing myself in such a situation ever again!

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

~With love, Gypsy