I really can't believe how much my life has changed in a relatively short amount of time. I am excited about the changes I am going through, but at the same time, I am deeply saddened because I know what it took to get here--all the things that happened in order to get to where I am right now. 2010 has been a very, very terrible year for me! Awful, wouldn't even begin to cover the misery this year has been! Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking all this has been a dream. It isn't though, and I am sad.

I still can't get over the fact my mother-in-law is gone. I miss her so much! But I have so many questions left unanswered, that I didn't even think to ask before. About her, about things that happened. I am confused and I am afraid to ask others questions because I worry it might confirm my fears and then what? I will be stuck with that for the rest of my life. There is no use. Should I bury these feelings and move on?

It is Christmas Eve, and me, my mom, and my kids spent it alone. This was a very sad Christmas. I hope that Christmas is better next year.